Breaking up is hard to do. Everyone is doing it.
Russell Brand and Katy Perry.
A famous professional athlete and a woman millions of other men would like to get to know intimately.
Will and Jada.
Ike and Tina Turner.
Unfortunately for my tender heart, many Seattle bands are breaking up as well. Spurm is not the only one who will be breaking up this year. As for the rest of the bands, I’ll let their passion play reveal itself on its own terms. I hate when people tell me the ending to a movie I’ve never seen.
Is it unprofessional to put a sad emoticon in the title of a blog post? Because I would like to right now. I’d like to spell out the title of this post in “smiley face” tears.
In case you don’t know, Spurm played one of the best sets I have seen by a band since I first set foot in Seattle in September of 2007. You can read about their glorious 2011 Capital Hill Block Party set at Cha-Cha here. I was losing my mind during their performance. If I were more familiar with the band at the time, I could have written at least five thousand words painting you a picture of their quirky, charismatic greatness. Sure, I’ve heard the name Spurm time and again living in this overcast city. You’ve probably their name a myriad amount of times as well.
I mean, it’s Spurm. It sounds like Sperm.
Gentle readers, sounds aren’t enough. You need to feel Spurm. You need it all over your face. I want to see it stain your jeans. I want you to fashion it into jewelry. Don’t forget to brush your teeth.
You might think this is getting weird. I’m going to one-up you and say this shit already was weird. There’s a certain greatness in being easily misunderstood. Musical postcards. Funny-looking costumes. What band below the age of 30 has even heard of covers The Who? Being weird is not a novelty for Spurm, oh no. Their strangeness is transcendent.
Hold on a second, let me roll on the ground and try to explain to you that I wrote these lyrics.
These are the lyrics.
I really need more lyrics.
Gosh darnit Spurm! I’m going to miss you!
WAIT, let us not forget what other bands are sending them off in style:
Uzi Rash have played the Black Lodge a couple of times and they are from Oakland. What does that mean? That means they are tougher than you. They play the kind of tunes that’ll prove it.
The Unnatural Helpers wrote my favorite song in 2010 (Sunshine/Pretty Girls). If they don’t play this song tonight, I will use weaponry and fighting tactics I have learned from the game Skyrim and kill everyone in the audience.
Wimps are the kind of band that will put your hand in a warm bucket of water when you’re sleeping so that you may soil yourself. They’re secret botanists. Shhhhh.
The show starts at 930 pm. Be there.