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October 29, 2010

Your Halloween Weekend as a One-Sided Conversation

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So much to do this weekend and you only have 72 hours to do it. Why is partying so stressful!?! Ugh. The things we put ourselves through as social mammals. It’s exhausting. What’s your costume? Where are you going to be? Who are you going to be with? How are you going to get there? You don’t have any money. You don’t have any good ideas. Luckily for you, Sound of the Sound is wearing a cape, a mask and svelte tights with a sock in the crotch. Nice bulge? We know. Here’s a preview of your weekend in the form of someone eavesdropping on a scenester having a cell phone conversation with an unknown entity. We’ll call this fictional character Iggy Crane because I’m afraid I’ll get sued if I use the first name Ichabod. Food stamps can’t pay for lawyers. Don’t Enjoy.

[Scene: Iggy Crane is a very slight individual with a heroin users build. He's about 6 ft tall, maybe 85 pounds after a huge brunch. His complexion is translucent. It's bleach. One might mistake him for an individual that takes spelunking to a whole another level if it weren't for his body paint jeans and over-sized high tops. Crane wears a five o' clock shadow on his face. He's got Grey hair, dyed of course. It makes him appear to be a man of refinement. A blue hoodie underneath a black leather jacket. Don't ask why. He knows what's up. He's hanging out at Cafe Zoka in the U-District.]

[Iggy Crane dialing one of his uber cool buddies. One of his uber cool buddies answers the phone -- on the last ring of course.]

Iggy: Yeah man. What’s going on? What’s going on this weekend? Got any plans?

[....]

Iggy: Well on Friday night I can’t decide what I want to do. As of right now I feel like raging but I’m not sure where. There’s so many shows this weekend. I wish I were Michael Keaton in Multiplicity, only with better results obviously. There’s going to be shenanigans taking place at the Funhouse. How fitting right? Hounds of the Wild Hunt are going to be opening up the gates of Hell for the greatest Misfits cover band of all-time, Glenn or Glenda?

[Iggy pauses to take a sip of coffee and look at who is walking on the Burke-Gilman. Nobody that is traversing its path holds his gaze. He thus turns his attention back to his cellular device.]

Iggy: That’s not a question idiot. That’s the band, Glenn or Glenda? They named the band that because there is a female performer who plays the role of Glenn Danzig while her better half portrays Glennda Danzig. “Glennda is the repressed feminine aspect of Glenn Danzig brought to life, rescuing him from his own machismo through glamour and hilarity.” I swear I did not get that from a press release. In other words, Glenn or Glennda are absolutely ingenious. I’m surprised Glenn or Glenda is not the biggest celebration on Halloween every year. It’s the only day of the year they perform and it’s amazing every single time.

[....]

Iggy: What? You’re thinking about going to that Lesbian CD release show at the Comet with Brothers of the Sonic Cloth and Diminished Men? Argh. Moments like this make me wish all the venues were built on top of one another like some kind of skyscraper of debauchery. Have you heard that new Lesbian record? It slays, literally. I heard three people died on the night of its release due to rocking too hard! Where’s Tipper Gore when you need her!?! Let’s prosecute records to the fullest extent of the law.

[....]

Iggy: Shut-up. You do not want to have sex with Tipper Gore. Why would you do that? Gross. I hear Mrs. Gore is a huge fan of Throne of Bone and Owen Hart. Maybe you’ll see her at the Block Lodge later? It’s a tough call between that, the Comet and the Funhouse. I didn’t even mention that You.May.Die.In.The.Desert. is rocking Healthy Times Fun Club as well. I wish Halloween was tonight, that way I could go all out and put myself in a coma until Monday morning.

[...]

Read the rest of Iggy’s one-sided conversation after the jump … (more…)

October 6, 2010

Reverb Fest: 2-Bit Saloon Stage Preview

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Hobosexual ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

“Wouldn’t you believe it, it’s just my luck…”

No, I’m not talking about Nirvana’s reference to the Seattle music scene circa 1987. I’m letting you know how unhappy I am that I am going to miss the best music festival that Seattle has to offer this year. Capital Hill Block Party is good place to see all your social network acquaintances running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Bumbershoot is a place where bands go to die. Rumor has it they were going to change the Main Stage name to “The Elephant Graveyard Stage,” but Disney was getting ready to dispatch their legal team. Reverb Fest has got a plethora of good, diverse local acts that you should check out this Saturday in Ballard. If a music festival happens when your 2,300 miles away, do you hear it? For me, the answer to that question is no. However, I’m counting on you to play the role of hedonist on my behalf.  I tend to get carried away so I expect nothing less than absolute shenanigans from you. Party monsters like me would hang out at the 2-Bit Saloon and enjoy the following:

Hobosexual – When I first got the Hobosexual album I was scared to listen to it. The packaging is like a bad acid trip and there’s two grizzly looking dudes on the inside cover that looked like they’d abduct my children if I had any. I closed my eyes and popped it into my car stereo. “This is pretty rocking stuff,” I thought to myself as I drove around Seattle running errands out of boredom. I didn’t understand how good of a band Hobosexual was until I saw them at Columbia City Theater a month ago. Ben Harwood is a guitarist with very few peers in this town. He churns out riffs a young, loin cloth wearing Ted Nugent would be envious of. Though Hobosexual will not be accompanied by Night Train for Reverb Fest, this is a good high energy way to start your evening. (6pm) Throne of Bone - I have only seen Throne of Bone at this year’s Your Village Sucks Fest and they were great. I’m going to give you the link to their myspace page so you can go listen to their music. Don’t be fooled. The quality of the tracks is worse than piss poor. In fact, Throne of Bone if you are reading this, take down those tracks. You are a decent rock and roll act. You’re doing yourself no favors by keeping those tunes up. (7pm)

Vultures 2012 – This is another band I was first exposed to at Your Village Sucks Fest. They sound good and play with a decent amount of energy, I just have one small gripe. What this band does, other bands do it better. If I wanted a solid thrash punk/metal hybrid, I can just go down the street and talk to Black Breath. Every band I use to play shows with growing up sounds like this band. I want to see these guys get more adventurous with their sound and separate themselves from the rest of their peers. We’ll see if that actually happens. (9pm)

Dog Shredder - One of the best kept secrets in Seattle. This is somewhat of a bummer to me. This band is so good, they shouldn’t be much of a secret. I want all of Seattle to be fans of this band. I know most of the city isn’t into metal epics that last longer than seven or eight minutes, but I wholeheartedly think these guys can change your narrow way of thinking. In my opinion, Dog Shredder is one of the top five bands performing during all of Reverb Fest. Chew on that Seattle. (10pm)

May 14, 2010

Your Village Sucks! Fest

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Dio Sing Along ::: photo courtesy of Seattle Rock Guy

How appropriate is it to have “Your Village Sucks Fest!” in Seattle’s least favorite neighborhood of Belltown? My answer to that would be “very”; your answer might be “Why didn’t this night of music take place in Everett?” Zing! Come on lighten up! You know Belltown as home to the stars! You want a $10 cover? You got it! Do you want to pay $10 for Michelob Ultra Light? Yes! Do you want to see a middle-aged man get kicked out of Tia Lou’s for dancing on high risers that are obviously meant for attractive, younger women? Yes! Do you want to bail my uncle out of jail? I don’t have any money.

Contrast is a brilliant thing. Imagine, all these people (let’s call them “rockers”) converging on our condominium laced 13-city block oasis, smoking cigarettes, dressed in outfits that Lemmy from Motorhead picked out for them the night before. It’s a thing of beauty.  Sure there were some hiccups over the course of the evening of Your Village Sucks Fest. One of the bands had equipment trouble so they didn’t have the opportunity to play. Madraso and Mobile Slaughter Unit were unable to take the stage on Saturday Night, which caused me to frown upon getting my wrist stamped. Other then these minor blemishes, an overall enjoyable night for those who came for some rock and roll action. A few casual observations I made over the course of the evening:

* How many stages does The Rendezvous have and are there enough stages to host Bonnaroo? I didn’t know that the Rendezvous had a stage downstairs. As a matter r of fact, I didn’t even know there was a downstairs to begin with. Who says that you don’t learn something new everyday? Cynics.

* Throne of Bone. Terrible band name. Pretty good band. I loved their dissonant palm mute breakdowns. Their drummer had a Pageninetynine shirt that I had never seen before. I was contemplating hiding around some dark corner and assaulting him in order to steal it and add to my collection of Pageninetynine shirts. However as time went by, the unseen forces of maturity kicked in and I decided against it. That and I figured out an online store where I can buy the aforementioned shirt for myself.

*  Warning: Danger! I don’t like this band at all, but I do like their spirit. In a town where so many bands are the visual definition of boring, these guys, with their stage props and ridiculous costumes (not to mention their usage of an oversized 1980’s Tom Hanks head! Egad! I must’ve been upstairs getting a drink when they busted that out!) make life worth living. Or at the very least, it makes watching their band a guaranteed good time.

*  Mico de Noche is what the doctor ordered. Luckily for me, they were part of my rock and roll prescription before the national health care bill passed. Mico de Noche played a brand new song that caused so much on-stage ruckus that I thought they were going to knock their Verellen amps over. If that weren’t enough, they ended their set with the anthem “Summer Beard”, a song that is destined to be on the summer soundtracks of a majority of the male population in Seattle.  Actually I take that back, most dudes around here don’t have the courage to hang with Mico de Noche.  Mico De Noche, release “Summer Beard” in acoustic format. Get Grizzly Bear, Panda Bear and Yogi Bear (Boo-Boo often panics during the mastering stage of the process. Don’t invite him to the party) to remix the track. You might even want to throw Stevie Nicks in on vocals.  Make available the acoustic release, along with the three Bear mixes and the acoustic cut with just Nicks on vocals, on a hand pressed lavender colored 10” that is limited to 77.6 copies. Gentleman, do you want to be successful or not? I’ll see you at Coachella next year.

* The highlight of the evening was the Ronnie James Dio video tribute. In case you didn’t know, Ronnie James Dio is battling stomach cancer right now; a tribute was planned at the Rendezvous in his honor. Gentle reader, I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t like Dio. I don’t care if he was in Sabbath or not. I don’t care if he and Mariah Carey are the only two human beings who have ever lived that can hit 31 different vocal octaves. That stuff belongs on the back of baseball cards.  Although I have a complete indifference to Dio, I recognize a special moment when I see one. Festivalgoers gathered for a group sing-a-long to Dio’s “Rainbow in the Dark”. Take a look at the song name, just another reason why I don’t get Dio. Anyway, there were some technical difficulties at first, so fans of Dio were just singing out random Dio lyrics until the song was properly cued. Once “Rainbow in the Dark” began to play, the enthusiasm and joy sprayed across people’s faces was pretty contagious. There was someone videotaping this oddly sweet occasion while standing on a chair.  If you’re having a rough day and want to bring a smile to your face, I suggest you put on your thinking cap and find that video. Smiling is contagious.