Hey ladies! (Yeah!) You don’t need no man! (Okay!) Well, if you’re in a band with a man and you haven’t had a chance to replace him with a woman who rocks harder then you you might want to keep him around until further notice. But other than that, you don’t need a man! Because you’re a lady and a musician. You are the creme de la creme. You are the proverbial, “Pretty please, with sugar on top!?” Ten thousand ships were launched to rescue you (even though you probably could have saved yourself, damn you patriarchy!). The only reason why men take showers, brush their teeth, have jobs is to entertain the mere idea of having you beneath them at their side. Penises are so oppressive. This is why this Ladies Choice Productions is proud to present Choicefest! Four nights, four venues, every band on each bill has at least one female member. Honestly, this is the best idea to happen in the Seattle music scene since Courtney Love decided to cover “Jeremy” on multiple occasions at Bumbershoot a few years back in quite some time. I can only see this event growing in popularity and participants as the years go by. The first show takes place this Thursday night at the Comet. Let’s see our combatants:

Ubik – From where I’m standing, this kind of music is kind of beyond description. The band seems to throw around the term “Drift Core,” a genre which I’ve literally never heard of. An encounter with the unknown, no matter what facet of life, is usually quite rewarding.

Kinski - Instrumental music that it’s okay to like.

Elk Rider – This is a live clip of one song from what seems to be their first show ever.

Princess – “Harsh Magic” reminds me of Sandrider but way more fucked up (translation: awesome). This is also the first time I’ve heard a wah-wah pedal used during a rock song in such a way that I didn’t want to kill someone. I think the last time this happened was 1997 on Fu Manchu’s “Evil Eye.” The Action is Go, people.

Show starts at 9pm. Tickets are $8.

Now for the second night of Choicefest! at the Highline Bar.

Lozen – Don’t let the name “Precious Baby Squirrel” fool you. It is one of the most ferocious “finishers” that any Seattle band unleashes at the end of a set.

Fist Fite - I feel bad for the music journalist that does the following: A) Believe this band’s bio to be one hundred precent accurate. B) Still goes to myspace.com to listen to this any band’s songs. Do you want to know what this sounds like? If the combative element of laser tag were real and you were exceptionally bad at it, this would be the soundtrack to your initial instinct of flight and your untimely death shortly thereafter.

Sioux City Pete & the Beggars – Remember that time you were under the impression that this was some sort of shy, folk band based purely on your own imagination and lack of research? I’m really talking about me and that’s not the case at all. In fact, this sounds exactly the opposite of how I imagined it. Sometimes your mind plays tricks on you and it works out for the better.

Swayze! - This is much more Red Dawn than it is To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar.

Broxa – If you could put a tie-dye shirt on an asteroid and then direct the aforementioned asteroid into Earth’s orbital path, but not before Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck,  Billy Bob Thorton and others can save the day! taking out a satellite or two. As long as it doesn’t affect the status of my NHL Center Ice package during the Stanley Cup Playoffs, I think I can make do. As it relates to the sound of Broxa, all you need to think is, psychedelic substances and outer space.

Show starts at 8pm. Tickets are $8.