Redwood Plan ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

“God, won’t you just die already?”

– A line of dialogue that exists in approximately 72% of all action movies.

I said the same thing when I saw who the headliners were for Day Two of Bumbershoot 2010. Hole? Weezer? This would have been amazing back in 1994. Actually, I take that back, for the benefit of fictional concertgoers I’ll say 1996. That way Weezer would have the chance to treat fans to a full onslaught of Pinkerton tunes and Courtney Love would-still-almost-kind-of be relevant musically before hitting complete flat-line status. Unfortunately, we’re in the year 2010 and all I can do is shake my fists.  Did concert promoters forget to ask Tonic and Sponge for their for admission onto this “alternative rock” gravy train? In honor of our introductory quote, this day two preview is going to be cinematic in nature. Who doesn’t love a good matinee? Every band that I have chosen to speak about will have a movie assigned to them that best explains what they are all about. This should be a complete failure because I’ve only seen 11 movies in my 27 years on this Earth. Enjoy.

• Hole – Over the Top– A 1987 drama starring Sylvester Stallone about a long haul truck driver who tries to win back his alienated son while becoming the king of the arm wrestling world. What does this have to do with Courtney Love and Hole? Everything. The title of this Stallone film could sum up Miss World’s entire career. As ridiculous as this 1980’s “blockbuster” was, it’s not nearly as ludicrous as Hole being allowed to play anywhere in the year 2010. (7:30pm on Bumbershoot MainStage)

• Weezer – Sugar and Spice- A popular high school cheerleader becomes pregnant with the star quarterback’s child. She then gets her cheerleading squad to help her become the biggest bank robbing menace since John Dillinger. I know what you’re thinking, “How does this relate to Weezer? I just don’t see it.” Think of Weezer’s music as having the same persona as “stereotypical” cheerleaders. Now let’s reflect on how they’ve been robbing you (read: getting away with serious cash) for more than a decade now! Outrage! Ever since Matt Sharp left the band, Weezer albums have been so bad that Lifehouse would think twice about releasing them. (9:15pm on the Bumbershoot MainStage)

• School of Rock All-Stars – This one is fairly obvious, seeing as the musical act is named after the Jack Black movie. Both are highly recommended. (12:30pm at the EMP Sky Church)

• Eldridge Gravy and the Court Supreme – Happy Feet – A colony of Emperor Penguins are excellent singers but can’t dance a lick. Somehow, someway a penguin is produced that can only dance but can’t sing! Eldridge Gravy has nothing to do with penguins but everything having to do with toe tapping. (12:30pm on the State Farm Stage)

Horse Feathers ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

• Horse Feathers – Bio Dome – Two friends get trapped in a Bio Dome, hilarity ensues because these two friends are Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin. Horse Feathers don’t sound as bad musically as the premise for Bio Dome. I actually liked the movie (I was 13 and Joey Lauren Adams was in it) probably as much as I enjoy this band. Whenever I hear Justin Ringle’s vocals I feel like plants should be growing in the background. I almost gave Horse Feathers the movie FernGully. (1:15pm on the Starbucks Stage)

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