::: Beat Connection photo by Josh Lovseth
My how these tired eyes and slow hands have missed your casual indifference page views. Do you know how long it takes for time to elapse during a month long absence in the blogging world? Science says roughly thirty days but who in 2011 actually believes in science? Nobody raise their hands. Did you know my home state of Virginia can have earthquakes? Just another obvious example that Gaia is unhappy with Kratos in control and we’re all doomed. Your public transportation infused morning commute may be hindered by volcanic ash. Mt. St. Helen’s is long overdue and Mt. Rainier might follow suit out of unbridled jealousy. Never underestimate a large rock’s appetite for destruction.
Just in case these inevitable events don’t actually happen (sacrifice the thing you love most on a make-shift altar dedicated to Gaia or billions of people will die) and you somehow wander through the gates of Bumbershoot, let me send some warped advice in your general direction.
Musical acts on certain stages on certain days at certain times will be awaiting payment from paypal account your buzzed affection. I don’t mean to be a bully but free will is merely a mirage-like gift that you exercise poorly. Let me tell what you should be doing. Pretend I’m granting you blogospheric salvation Pretend I’m someone who works for NPR. In the name of Gaia, I command thee:
Saturday (Hopefully you aren’t too hungover and smoked-out from Young “Trapper of the Year — Four Times In A Row” Jeezy at the Showbox Market.)
Craft Spells (1:30pm at the Fountain Lawn Stage) – Fountain Lawn Stage? Terrible name. Craft Spells? Awesome band. Let’s hope the two offset one another. “After the Moment” is one of those songs that would inspire a dead hipster to rise from the grave and zombie dance their way to Value Village in order to buy the freshest secondhand gear from 1981. You’re alive (as of this moment) but you’ll probably do the same thing over the long weekend (especially if you only have a Saturday pass, plenty of time to shop!). I’ll also say that Craft Spells are getting absolutely jobbed on this time slot. Social marketing trolls Puppet-masters of entertainment Bumbershoot is following Block Party’s lead by giving feel-good dance bands daytime slots. I passively but angrily glance in your general direction Bumbershoot. My Twitter timeline might be a tad on the snarky side this weekend.
Champagne Champagne (2:15pm on the Fisher Green Stage) -I used to be extremely comme ci comme ca on whether or not I was genuinely into this group in the past. Then I saw them at Doe Bay (Sadly, not their performance on the Main Stage. Sandwich nap.) and found what seems to be a long-lasting appreciation of this hip-hop duo. Sorry gentle readers, for the most part I still have my East Coast nose stuck up in the air as it relates to beat-makers and rhyme-sayers. I’m slowly adapting to your brand of hip-hop.
Red Fang (2:45pm at Exhibition Hall) – Finally some rock and roll is injected into your being. Last year Baroness was hands down the best act at Bumbershoot. Will Red Fang be able to keep pace with their hard rocking brethren? Go to Exhibition Hall way too fucking early, what the hell? at 2:45 to find out. If you’re watching the video for “Prehistoric Dog” right now, drinking and larping are not good for your health (when done simultaneously). If you do one or the other, you’ll do just fine. However, if you mix these social habits, someone’s inner Lancelot will surface and all hell will break loose. Trust me, I’ve been there (I keep a sword in my trunk for such occassions, I’m not even kidding). By the way, Red Fang will be playing a secret show on Sunday night but I’m not going to tell you where, maybe you should ask around? (I’d spill the beans but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say. Actually, I take that back. It is because I’m too cool for school.)
Shabazz Palaces (5:45pm Fisher Green Stage) – I’ll be honest, I’m probably the only music writer black person black music writer (What? Where?) in Seattle that does not own a copy of Black Up. I should probably do something about that. I like Shabazz Palaces because they create moments of irony when their audiences are predominantly white. Insert laughter here. I also like Shabazz Palaces because they are one-part secret society and one-part Sly and the Family Stone (this is not a musical comparison — they want to take you higher).
Beat Connection (6pm EMP Sky Church) – Um, I tried to half-heartedly ignore this duo (I can’t like the things you like! I’m counter-culture!) for the longest time. However, when I saw them at Block Party, I actually left during their set so I could grab some of the grape flavored kool-aid that ya’ll motherfucking music writer’s this entire town has been guzzling. Let me tell you, it tastes delicious!
Pickwick (6pm EMP Level 3 Stage) -You already know what the deal is. Selling out private KEXP sessions in one minute flat. Someone call the fire department, these boys are burning up! Everyone wants a piece of the Pickwick action. Small children, transients, wholesome families, belltown beauties, introverted hipsters, bookworm snobs, Barack Obama and those who attend monster truck rallies are just a few examples of the transcendant populations this group is able to reach. After all, “They [Pickwick] sound like Marvin Gaye,” and “He [Galen] sings like Stevie Wonder.” Read those quotes. Realize that they are not mine erroneous and naively misguided. Go buy a gun. Let your weak attempts at critically thinking about something you like guide you into the afterlife. If there’s only one victim, is it a crime? Pickwick, the passion you stir, the fun you create, are you ready for what is about to come? Fame? Perhaps just a million more bizarre, contradicting, insane, unnecessary comparisons to “Motown” music await you in the near future. I’ll light a candle and say a prayer for you (to Gaia!).
Little Dragon (Fisher Green Stage 7:30pm) – What do I know about Little Dragon? Besides the fact that many of my friends have given me their seal of approval — I know nothing. Festivals are for expanding your mind (musically you hippie, not chemically). More often than not, my favorite acts at big festivals are the ones I’d never heard of prior. I have a sneaking suspicion that Little Dragon will land comfortably in my top 5 sets of Bumbershoot.
Minus the Bear (Fisher Green Stage 9:15pm) – I have not seen one of Seattle’s favorite “house bands” (I only say this because when I first moved here it seemed that they played every weekend.) in a very longtime. Admittedly I am no longer enamored with Minus the Bear like I was when their first album came out. With that being said, a Minus the Bear that is stuck in a formulaic rut is still better than 95% of the “rock” bands that this city has to offer.
The Sunday (part two) rundown will be coming to an internet near you very soon….
