Couldn’t Get Permission to Use Any Local Photos ::: 
So this is courtesy of the AP (Tony Dejak) 

“This ain’t rock n’ roll. Because the rapper is in control.”

The above De La Soul lyrics couldn’t have been more foretelling of Jay-Z’s Key Arena concert on October 17th. Life imitated art, at least for the time being. It was the first time in approximately a decade that the Big Homey, Jigga Man, H.O.V.A, CEO of The Roc and any other grandiose nickname you have adorned Jay-Z with since 1996 made an appearance here in Seattle. Admission was steep to say the least. Women sold their souls. Men sold their decency. My ticket cost $50, I was in the second to last row of the entire arena. I was one of the lucky ones, I actually had to kill a man in a brass knuckle parking lot brawl just to get that ticket.

Reader. I know what you’re thinking. Big hip hop concert in that building where that team nobody really cared about used to play. Can it get much worse? Is Sound on the Sound becoming People magazine? I don’t have any dirt on twentysomethings who are famous for no reason, yet. As soon as I can get that much needed information, you’ll be reading about it, no doubt. Still, I thought Jay-Z’s show at Key Arena was fantastic for the following reasons:

1) Opening acts? What opening acts? Oh yeah, I pulled a standard Phil move and missed them. I know N.E.R.D was on stage right before Jigga Man, but who was before them? I have no idea. Someone should be a professional on my behalf and figure this stuff out. I’m not even going to talk about N.E.R.D because I haven’t liked them since In Search Of… and I don’t even like that album all that much. A couple of tracks I can still get down with, but I only like those songs because I remember them as the background music to my first tattoo. If it were up to me, Pharell would stop all this bullshit and just produce Clipse tracks 24 hours a day. Chain that dude to a radiator and feed him nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Make me a beat. Seriously. Pharell had a shitload of kids on-stage for the last couple of songs. Most of them were so amazed to be in the presence of Skateboard P that they forgot how to dance. Or maybe treacherous body movement is a Seattle thing? Probably.  

2) The pre-show/during show festivities. You don’t want to be a schmuck and buy $9 Miller Lite when you already got fleeced via Live Nation for your tickets. For a once in a decade concert like Jay-Z, you need to party, and party right. My weapons of choice? Tequila and special brownies. I didn’t regret my decision. Do you know who also didn’t regret their decisions? The one thousand people who decided to sneak in joints, blunts, spliffs and what have you into Key Arena. Are all the shows that take place their always that smoked out? Or is that a Tacoma Dome thing? 

3) Welcome to the party. Besides all the weed smoking and flask chugging, Key Arena was the most glamorous spot in the entire galaxy on Saturday. It doesn’t matter whether people purchased their ticket online or in-person, apparently the first thought they had wasn’t “Did I just sell my mother into prostitution for a Jay-Z concert?” No, the question they asked themselves was “What the fuck am I going to wear!?!” People have been shopping lately. The finest retail threads that you’ve seen and haven’t seen were on display at Seattle Center. I felt like I was back in Washington, D.C. on a nice May weekend. Ladies, decidedly rolled in packs with short skirts and cleavage galore. Approach if you dare. The smart dudes waited until long after the show for that. The men dusted off that ironing board and put themselves to work, no doubt. I even saw some suits in the mix. Gentleman’s Warehouse, you’re going to like what you buy. Holla at me.

4) Energy drinks handed out for free outside the show. Yes! When is the Funhouse going to start handing out Four Loco outside the front/back door? Come on, we all know that needs to happen right now.

Now onto the actual show itself. Let there be no mistake, Jay-Z controlled the entire audience. I was in the rafters and any time he told the crowd to throw the diamond up, all that was missing  was a “yes sir!” from yours truly. The only way you weren’t enjoying yourself is if you were too fucked up or you were trying not to. His setlist was pretty weak and consisted mostly of songs from the new album, The Blueprint 3. While I like most of what I’ve heard from the album, it’s still not his strongest stuff when compared to the rest of his back catalogue. As an artist, he’s at the point where he has a lifetime pass and can skate on the legend he created. Do note that these passes are almost completely unavailable in the land of rock n’ roll. There’s nobody off-limits in that realm. At least in my opinion. Hip Hop is a much different animal. For example “A”, my only example…I give you “Run’s House.” That should say it all right there.

Back to the Big Homey. Songs that weren’t on the new album were either Jay-Z’s larger than life singles ( “Nigga What, Nigga Who?”, “Big Pimpin”, “H.O.V.A”) or they were the weaker cuts off of Kingdom Come and The Black Album. He also did “Roc Boys” off of American Gangsterand maybe another one that I can’t be sure of. Even though I knew I was getting shafted on the setlist, it was the furthest thing from my mind. Besides his reputation, Jay-Z happened to bring along a really tight band with him on the road. They could have jammed out on Tony Orlando songs for a couple of hours with Memphis Bleek playing the part of Mr. Orlando and it would’ve sounded amazing. The band was killing it. Jigga was smart to bring along a live band on this tour, the whole experience would’ve felt a bit emptier otherwise. I mean, that’s a big stage. It’s going to look pretty empty with three dudes, a turntable, a Macbook and two microphones attempting to fill up such a large space. Not even the high definition, super expressive video curtains would’ve been able to detract from that awkwardness.

Spatial stage arrangement and special effects aside, it was Crowd Control 101. Unbelievable. It doesn’t hurt to be a larger than the music industry icon and married to the “hottest chick in the game.” What I want to know is, do you have to sell X amount of records to reach a certain level of mind control? How can indie rock bands, who tend to lack the type of braggadocious behavior necessary to do anything this cool, execute this magic trick? Actually selling records wouldn’t hurt. Developing a fake swagger and losing the concocted frailty would be a plus. Do we need Too Short as a life coach? Do we need Beyonce as a spouse? Do we need Lil Kim as an old friend? Gentle reader, I want your thoughts on the matter.

One thing is for sure, if history repeats itself in an exact manner, Jay-Z will be back in Seattle in 2019. If you’re not busy, you should probably roll with the clique. Who you with?