Wild Orchid Children ::: photo by Abbey Simmons

Boys and girls, you are in for a treat this evening. Come to Ballard. Be the social entities I know you are. Come to the Sunset Tavern for a night of spirits and jovial buffoonery. In doing so you will help raise money for Powerful Schools. Trust me, as far as public education is concerned, the youth of America need all the help they can get. Since adults that exercise their voting rights disappointed kids nationwide this week, now is the time to do something about it. I want you, the young miscreant who seeks vices in the form of loud music and booze to come to their rescue. Like I said, net proceeds benefit the future of our country and the world. Sometimes being patriotic is cool. [Insert the always inappropriate U-S-A!!! chant here.]

When I first saw the names on this bill, I was a bit concerned. “Dark Time Sunshine? Great. Another bearded singer/songwriter who has dreams of being a folk legend” was my immediate, disconcerting thought. You know who else had dreams of being a folk legend? A man by the name of Charles Manson. We all know how that turned out. Mama, don’t let your children grow up wanting to be folk legends.

Thankfully, Dark Time Sunshine are not like Charles Manson or any other singer/songwriter who I’d probably want to put in a crossface chicken wing choke-hold.  They are a hip-hop duo from the Pacific Northwest and I say that with much trepidation. Honestly, I have no idea where the hell they are from. Their Myspace says Portland, their label page says Seattle and their Facebook page says France. Who doesn’t love a good Easter Egg Hunt over the internet? This is the part where I’m supposed to tell you they are loggers from Northern Ireland and that one of the dudes wears Tap Out apparel exclusively. While my eyes can’t trust any information related to this band, my ears can give you the low down. Dark Time Sunshine are reminiscent of Greyskull in terms of vocal delivery. Much like Greyskull, they have respected underground hip-hop artists (read: Aesop Rock, P.O.S) that have cosigned on to some of their tracks. Musically, I like the way they work it. No diggity. Lyrically, they are like Lucille Ball trying to sneak into a sold out Tropicana on a Saturday night to see her husband Ricky Ricardo perform. They have some explaining to do.

Absolute Monarchs are raw mean junkyard dogs. It doesn’t matter who you are, get off their lawn before your achilles becomes the next best thing to Pupperoni. They have a song called “Killing the Old.” Ageists everywhere use this song as an anthem for their disdain for the elderly. Raise a fist against those who use a walker! [Editor's Note: Sound of the Sound does not promote violence against those of any age bracket, unless they hit you first.] You’ll like this band. If you don’t it’s because you’ve changed. Sellout.

I don’t want to call anyone’s parents, but I think Wild Orchid Children are into some of that Wacky Tabacky, Reefer Madness stuff. Why am I making such outrageous claims? Have you heard their new album “…Are Alexander Supertramp.”? Of course not, it’s not available yet. It arrives in record stores on Tuesday and it’s pretty fantastic. I look forward to having dissect all the crazy sounds that are featured on that album and share my thoughts with you beautiful people. The biggest question this evening, how the hell are Wild Orchid Children going to fit all band members and their equipment on the tiny Sunset stage? How are the walls going to react to the loud primitive sounds of the Children? I suggest this sound tribe performs on the floor of the venue. That would be pretty amazing.

Show starts at 9:30. Your money goes to a good cause. Hannah Levin will be in the house. Ballard on a Saturday night. Do I need to continue?