August 30, 2012

My Most Anticipated Acts of Bumbershoot


Don't Talk to the CopsPhoto: Josh Lovseth
Don't Talk to the Cops

Lots of good things happening at Bumbershoot this year. When was the last time Jane’s Addiction played in Seattle? Does anyone remember that Porno for Pyros song “Tahitian Moon”? Were you there? Did they play “Mountain Song”?


Don’t Talk to the Cops (1pm on Fisher Green Stage) – A few weeks ago a reader berated me saying that Don’t Talk To The Cops are trash terrible. I disagree. For those out there who still aren’t sold on this charismatic group, you have to see them at least three times minimum. I promise by the third time you’ll finally understand what you failed to comprehend the previous two performances. Yeah, I drink coffee, so back up off me, bitch. You can send all thank you notes and haikus paying tribute to the song “Big Ass Head” to the following address:

Polecat (1:30pm The Promenade) - I saw Polecat at the High Dive this spring and I thought they put on one hell of a show. A friend of mine begged to differ. He had to leave because, “This band is playing reggae shit that is my kryptonite.” I didn’t want to be responsible for the death of Superman so I trusted his words. Later that night a stranger asked me if I knew what clogging was. It was a weird night. Polecat aren’t reggae and they aren’t the kind of music that one would clog to. They are an amalgam of all things groove oriented in Bellingham. Are you into bluegrasscelticfolkreggaeamericanacountryjams? If that’s the case, I think this band is going to blow your mind.

Unnatural Helpers (1:45pm Sub Pop Stage) – A couple of years ago this band wrote my favorite song of the year. I’ll always be grateful to them for penning a tune that represents 98% of my brain activity. Sunshine and pretty girls.

Missy Higgins (1:45 Bumbershoot Main Stage) – I think we should all give this Australian singer/songwriter our undivided attention for the suffering she has endured opening up for Gotye on a recent. Can you imagine hearing “Somebody I Use to Know” on an every single night? Brutal. If I see anyone I know at Gotye I am going to capture them in a giant burlap sack normally meant for potatoes and throw them in the back of my trunk.

Black Breath (2:45 Exhibition Hall Stage) – I have been in Black Breath detox all year. I saw this band so much in 2010 and 2011 that something had to be done. If I am exposed to a band too often I begin to resent their music. Clearly something is wrong with me. I haven’t even heard Black Breath’s  ”new” album yet. Honesty, I am frightened it won’t be as good as Heavy Breathing and my affections for this group will wane dramatically. I can be a coward in more ways than you can possibly imagine.

Sera Cahoone (3:30 Sub Pop Stage) – Arguably the most calming voice in Seattle. This isn’t a snide remark, I am being serious.

Eyehategod (6:15pm Exhibition Hall) – Sludge metal from the Big Easy. Not to be confused with Virginia’s Lamb of God. Out of all the acts performing this weekend, I am looking forward to this and Tony Bennett the most. Maybe they’ll perform together? At Bumbershoot anything can happen….

Jane’s Addiction (9:30pm Main Stage) – Duh.


Why? (1pm Exhibition Hall Stage) – A couple of years ago when I was a young man, eager to don an apron at Pasta and Company in the U-Village when I use to work at Pasta and Company, my co-worker would always play Alopecia on repeat throughout the morning. At the time I can’t say I had heard anything like it. I don’t say that because the music was incredibly innovative (although it was). I make that remark because if you stepped outside of the kitchen and into the front of the store, you were bombarded with adult contemporary crap and “rich people” jams. “Oh, is that Joni Mitchell playing somewhat audibly? I use to protest Vietnam before you were born, now I protest poor people. I’ll take 20 pounds of that $32.95 per/lb petite filet. My retired racing greyhound is hungry.” I haven’t heard Alopecia since. Why do I do this to myself? What pleasure can I possibly derive from failing to buy albums I already know I like? I did that for almost the entirety of high school to Lifetime’s Jersey’s Best Dancers. I need a shrink.  

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings (1:45pm Main Stage) – One of the premiere acts of this contemporary “soul revival” that everyone is really into these days.

Tony Bennett (3:15pm Main Stage) – For all you young folks out there that aren’t familiar with this legend, let me contemporize his greatness for you in a jejune language that you can understand. Tony Bennett* was in a movie with Gwenyth Paltrow in which he sang a duet with her. The name of that movie was called “Duets.” Gwenyth Paltrow is married to Chris Martin. Chris Martin is friends with Jay-Z and Beyonce. Mr. Martin is also the frontman in Coldplay. How many of you remember Coldplay? Many blank faces.

In other words, Tony Bennett is a member of the illuminati by six degrees of separation in relation to Jay-Z and Beyonce.

Yelawolf (4pm Fisher Green Stage) – I don’t much about this cat except that he’s from Alabama and I get hyped to this song. I’m wondering if he’ll be the “Jay Electronica” of this year’s Bumbershoot (read: slightly under the radar, shows up and crushes all other mic grippers that perform this weekend).

Fruit Bats (5pm Sub Pop Stage) –  I haven’t heard tracks from the album Tripper but I am looking forward to hearing them this weekend. I’ve never seen a sub-par Fruit Bats performance. Never.

The Promise Ring (6:15pm Exhibition Hall Stage) – I can write millions thousands hundreds of trillions of words about this band. Some would be positive. Some would be negative. As of right now, I am only going to say one thing. If they’re too cool to play “E. Texas Ave” I am going to throw a multitude of footwear at their visages. I’m taking my size 12′s and they are going to land right between the eyes of Davey von Boehlen. Then I am taking your flip flops and I am tossing them at the drummer whose name I don’t recall. If any of you are planning on wearing heels (To a music festival? Do you masochist much?), please let me know so that I can make proper use of them.

Mudhoney (6:45pm Sub Pop Stage) – Duh.

Big Sean (8:15pm Main Stage) – 313 in the house! Straight from the D! Not Dallas, that’s Big D That’s all I have to say about that.

Mac Miller (9:45pm Main Stage) – This guy was born in 1992! How ancient are you feeling right now!?! Steel City’s finest if you ask me (in comparison to the young man who was at Bumbershoot last year, Wiz Khalifa).


Honestly,  I can’t say that I’m hyped for much of anything today. Maybe Monday will be the day I take mescaline and wander off, go buy the new Madden and zone out in my room try and social network with live humans in the media room. On the other hand, some friends have told me about some things I should really check out. Hmmm….

Ghosts I’ve Met (Noon at The Promenade) – I saw this band a couple of years ago and enjoyed them quite a bit. I think it’s about time to see what they’ve been up to.

Bombino (2:15 Fisher Green Stage) – One of the best acts I saw at Pickathon this year.

The Pharmacy (4:30 The Promenade) – Indie garage pop of the highest caliber.

Ana Tijoux (5:45pm Fisher Green Stage) – Hmmmm. This is one of those recommendations I was talking about.

Hey Marseilles (8pm Starbucks Stage) – If you like the Lumineers but don’t like this, you’re a fucking idiot. Sorry guys, I must apologize for my language and making the mistake of putting the two aforementioned bands in the same sentence.

Passion Pit (9:15 Fisher Green Stage) – I’m thrilled it’s this group performing and not their California impersonators, Foster the People.

Skrillex (9:30 Main Stage) – Believe it or not, I finally heard Skrillex for the first time a few days ago. He was in the form of Animaniacs.

Enjoy your weekend.

*writer’s note – It was actually Huey Lewis who was in “Duets” and not Tony Bennett. Still, Mr. Bennett is probably a member of the illuminati. I base this assumption on the longevity of his career and flawlessness of his vocal chords over such a long course of time.


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