The 7th Annual Blue Moon Midnight Mass ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

Jason Josephes (Booker at The Blue Moon, member of the Hopscotch Boys and “Jesus” during the pageant.) took time out of his busy schedule to answer a few of my silly questions about “Blue Moon’s 8th Christmas Eve Holiday Pageant and Midnight Mass” by way of electronic mail. Not if, but when you get sick of your family on Saturday night, you know exactly where your annoyed soul needs to go. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Holidays.

Jason, I have questions about the Blue Moon Christmas Eve Pageant/Midnight Mass.

Jason Josephes (JJ): I am here to answer these.

So, what’s it like portraying the “Son of Man” once a year? Have you done it for the entirety of the tradition? What can we expect from Blue Moon Jesus and Friends?

JJ: I gotta be honest with you, Regis. It gets a little tiring. You’d think being the son of God would help me pull off a successful pageant each year. Ah, but I am merely me PLAYING the son of God. Not a huge difference, if I must be equal parts frank, humble, and full of shit. But if I could be Jesus playing me instead, it would help on the “make
sure this all runs smoothly” tip. Therefore, for the first and perhaps only time, I am outsourcing my Christ robe. Jesus will be played by a special guest this year. Don’t worry, it’s not Anthony Keidis.

What is the weirdest thing that has ever happened at this event?

JJ: Hard to say, but it usually involves the midnight mass. Reverend Jenkins is an old school fire and brimstone guy but even the most methodical Methodist should re-up with their pharmacist every now and again lest serotonin levels drop to the single digits. Example: here is a picture of the aftermath of the midnight mass from 2008:

To see the aftermath

Who’s going to be performing this year?

JJ: As usual, our musical headliner is the Donner Vixens. These folks have been a part of the pageant for quite some time, offering a whole lot of sweetness, light, and toe-tapping before the blackness of the midnight mass draws nigh. Also on board are Sneezy Water Jr of Hopscotch Boys fame performing an original Christmas mini-opera entitled “Christmas On Aurora Avenue.” Also local artists High Divide, The Fabulous Downey Brothers, and Kara Kaye will be contributing sets of music, comedian Derek Sheen will most likely tell some jokes (unless he’s gonna lead a pilates routine, which would be surprising but not terribly uninteresting), there’s a dance routine set to the ol’ holiday standard “Dead On Xmas” and… well, I feel like I’ve said too much already.

If I’m attending this event, do I have to sign a waiver of some kind? How good is your legal team?

JJ: It’s like my grandma always said, “You break it, you bought it.” She was also fond of saying “If it’s not Hep A, it’s Hep B.” Somehow I think both of those statements answer your questions. Thanks, Gam-Gam!

Have you ever considered making this tradition a musical and taking it on the road?

JJ: Oh God, no. It’s just not that good.

I’m Catholic.

JJ: I’m sorry.

What does the Blue Moon have to offer as the closest representation to the blessed sacrament of Communion? Can I grab a knife and take a pound of your flesh to dispense amongst sinners?

JJ: The Reverend performed communion one year. It involved Wonder Bread & Thunderbird, which is strange because I once wrote a buddy cop picture with that title. Anyhow, I don’t know if he’s doing it this year, so you might wanna eat a light lunch before hand, or bring a snack just in case. As far as my flesh goes, people have been refusing to put it in their mouths for years now, so I’m probably safe from your knife, too.

What about my chosen brothers and sisters (Jewish lads and ladies)?

JJ: Can you ask them if their powerful film studio will finally make Wonder Bread & Thunderbird?

Will Santa be there?

JJ: If he is, you better believe the criteria for the naughty list just changed drastically.

If SPD comes in the bar and says this, “We have to shut this place down due to the following….” What violations do you think are going to come out of his mouth?

JJ: It depends on whether or not we are all under Sharia law by then. My guess is the worst they could come up with is “excessive Christmas cheer” which sounds like one of those made up charges from a children’s Christmas special.

Who does Blue Moon Jesus like for the Republican Presidential Nomination in 2012?

JJ: Did the real Jesus ever vote? Exactly. This one stays out of politics, too. But he has a vested interest in football, so let’s just say Tim Tebow.

Mayan Doomsday takes place next year. Will you move the calendar date up of the pageant in accordance?

JJ: No way. If we’re all dead before the next Noel, what’s the point in celebrating anything? Like, “Oh, you got me a tie. Thanks.” And then we’re vaporized. I don’t wanna spend my last days shopping for you jerks.

For those that miss this event, is there anything going on at the Blue Moon on New Years Eve?

JJ: We cancelled our annual mutton busting expo in honor of a killer rock and roll show with Mystery Ship headlining plus special guests Bad Love Sessions and Springboards. It’s only $7, too. $7! I’ve had haircuts that have cost more. I’ve also had haircuts that have cost less. Go figure.