Behold, the ultimate encore. The birthing kind.

Word analysis provided by Dictionary.com

Encore [ahng-kawr, -kohr, ahn-]

(interjection)1. again; once more (used by an audience in calling for an additional number or piece). (noun) 2. a demand, as by applause, for a repetition of a song, act, etc., or for a performance of a number or piece additional to those on a program, or for a reappearance by the performers, as at the end of a concert, recital, etc.verb (used with object) 3. to call for a repetition of.

Ah yes, the most predictable move in all of music. The proverbial yawn-while-wrapping-my-arm-around-you-in-a-movie-theater during 1990’s sitcom dating scenes targeted at pre-teens. The foreseeable happy ending at the end of a Disney movie. The “Your eyes are red, are you using drugs?” talk that your parents gave you when you came home late one night in high school. “My boyfriend is coming home from jail, we should stop seeing each other.” The “It’s late August and I’m head of programming for ESPN. Let us flood your minds with Favrian propaganda,” decision. Anything predictable that has ever happened to you summed up as a sincere, self-aggrandizing, inauthentic delay of a “thank you” moment. That my friends is the encore. Even the worst musicians have been given a curtain call. If not, I label those musicians “bedroom guitar players who are too shy to play for anything but collared shirts” or “people who need to find another hobby.”

This conversation (Hopefully, this becomes a conversation. I hate when my internal monologue ends up on the internet.) began when I saw Hollerado and Gang of Four on Wednesday night at the Showbox Market. Gang of Four played not one, but two encores! The total amount of songs played during those two encores, five at the most. I think I’m being generous with that number, it may have been four. One encore is acceptable and expected. TWO!?!? I love Gang of Four so I’m not crying foul. I just want you to think of the audacity it takes for a band to perform two encores. To borrow a reference from Almost Famous, you’ve got to be “golden gods” to play more than one encore. You have to know that the people love you. You have to be a band of tremendous stature. Or in some cases, a band that plays a birthday party that lots of your intoxicated friends attend and can only shout out one word with two syllables. Attention musicians, “jamming” at your own wedding reception would also prove wise if you want to experience encore - part deux.

The only other band I’ve seen play more than one encore is Radiohead. I am of the opinion that Radiohead owed the audience more than one encore. Let me explain. Everyone’s favorite band that is named after a Talking Heads song has had atrocious luck playing shows around the Washington, D.C. area. During the first Tibetan Freedom Festival where they were scheduled to play, some dude got struck by lightning at RFK Stadium. That was around the time of OK Computer. A few years later for Kid A, they were supposed to play in a field in the Northern Virginia area for an entire weekend. God hates Radiohead fans who live in suburban Virginia. It poured as if my friends and I were ants on the ground and some cruel child was trying to drown us the entire weekend. Two days of Radiohead was canceled. To this day, my friend who lies all the time claims that he saw Thom Yorke, swigging wine and dancing on the band’s tour bus as they sped past us at the entrance of the park where the show was being held. Fast forward to the same pasture during the In Rainbows tour. When I saw Radiohead perform those two encores, it was raining sideways at 37 degrees in May. I didn’t see them in Montreal, I saw them in Virginia. Do you have any idea how insanely weird it is to be that cold in Virginia in the month of May? My friends and I drove home in our underwear with the heat on full blast in the car. Springtime hypothermia. Steve Pool couldn’t explain that one. That may have been an all-time low temperature in Dixie.

All this diarrhea of the mouth leads me to ask the following questions. What’s the best encore you’ve ever seen? What’s the worst encore you’ve ever seen? As a fan, what do you want out of your encore? Is it your favorite songs that have yet to be played? Is it those never played rarities that bring you ecstasy? Musicians, what do you want out of an encore? Cheering? Lingerie? Boy briefs? Money?

Maybe you want none of it. Maybe you want to experience the anti-encore. I was talking to a friend about a time he saw the Butthole Surfers at the Showbox. They ended up flooding the room with smoke from a smoke machine, leaving their effects pedals on loop, amps still on and they disappeared off the stage, never to be seen again.

I’m not sure what the best encore I’ve ever seen is. I know what the best show I’ve ever seen is. That’s a different topic for a different day. Gentle readers, let me hear your thoughts.