The Unnatural Helpers ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

“To be the man, you have to beat the man…WOOOOOOO!!!!!” - “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair circa 523 B.C. after he somehow survived a death sentence by putting his executioner in a figure-four leg lock.

The Unnatural Helpers are not fighting off death but they are “the champs”, if my Best Local Song of 2010 has any legitimacy in the eyes of the people. Jabroni’s, my make believe awards have the realness of Santa Claus during the Christmas shopping season. Even though I tend to mildly obsess over Sunshine/Pretty Girls, the Unnatural Helpers have written quite a few catchy songs believe it or not. Many of them you’ll find on their latest release Cracked Love and Other Drugs. The best kind of affection either becomes broken eventually or feels like the best kind of drugs. Come to the Black Lodge tonight, pick up the album and you’ll get the best of both worlds.

Uzi Rash is not what you think. At first I thought this was going to be the most insane grindcore band on the West Coast. That’s not exactly it. Then I was going to start off by saying “Uzi Rash is Gucci Mane’s favorite Rock n’ Roll band.” That’s no longer happening. This band is an electrified, more diverse version of the Violent Femmes. I can see that some of you are confused by that description. I think this is something that you’ll either appreciate or despise. You won’t experience any middle of the road feelings here. Ease your self into it. Start off with the song New Masks and go from there.

Do you know indie rock? Sure you do. Do you know the most despicable genre known to man? A genre fool of buffoonery and laziness? I’m talking about garage rock. Luckily for you, Idle Times are merely noisy indie rock. None of that “How’s your mother?” bullshit here. No small talk. Just rock music with a familiar feel.

What the fuck? I didn’t know Flipper was playing the Black Lodge? Oh, what’s that you say? Flipper with Krist Novoselic on bass aren’t going to be making an appearance on Eastlake? That’s good because I can’t find any of my Flipper albums. I would feel left out if they actually did play. Oakland’s Knifey Spooney wins the award for most Flipper-like bass line on School Fire Pictures. That’s not a bad thing, I’ve been known to encourage Dolphins. Besides the Unnatural Helpers, I expect this band to rock the most tonight. What the world needs now is more sloppy noise.

The show starts tonight at 9pm. If you don’t know where the Black Lodge is, ask a friend punk. Or just walk up and down Eastlake. The choice is yours.