Baroness at Bumbershoot ::: photo by Abbey Simmons

Ladies and Gentlemen, hold on to your hats, this is for all the marbles….

“You’re Not From Around Here…Are You?” – Best Live Performance By A Touring Act

Winner(s): Goodie Mob. Coalesce. Baroness. Almost Winner(s): Jay Electronica.

Judging by the fact that I have multiple winners listed, this was a difficult decision to make. Goodie Mob gave me a reason to believe in the concept of “reunion tours” again. I graduated from the school of thought where if you break up once, you should probably stay separated. Unless you’re a fan of daytime television or have the desire to construct a Greek tragedy in which you are the star, it’s probably in the best interest of all parties involved. This Goodie Mob tour could’ve went a lot like a Naughty By Nature (who?) reunion tour. But it didn’t. Big Gipp rocking a bullet proof vest in tongue and cheek fashion. Cee-Lo playing the part of the big bad wolf by blowing the “house” down with his vocals. It was a thing of beauty. Coalesce took a decade of mockery by yours truly and shoved it down my throat and into the pit of my stomach. I’m still removing the crow from my teeth and the show happened back in May. Baroness may be the crown jewel of this trio. They braved the elements. an unfavorable set-time (competing with lots of other acts at Bumbershoot) and still came out as the undeniable kings of the mountain. They literally destroyed generations of people. Never have I seen someone who isn’t old enough to know the mathematical concept of “multiplication” rock out so hard. They performed with a precision and charisma that was unmatched in the calendar year of 2010. Kudos to them. On the other hand….

The Thermals at Bumbershoot ::: photo by Abbey Simmons

“Who Are You Boning For Your Success?” Worst Live Performance By A “Touring” Band

Winner: Free Energy. Almost Winner: The Thermals.

For as long as Free Energy are in existence, this is their award to lose. The kings of pomp. How many Mick Jagger “How To Be A Frontman” VHS tapes can we watch in one night? No. Let’s choreograph the moves we see in RockBand.  Maybe if we wear makeup, people like us more? Suddenly we’re opening for a souless, cowardly Weezer. Go figure. The Thermals are a band that I enjoy, at times. Here’s where I utter the predictable “I like the first album, but that’s it” go-to critic line. I saw them in the KEXP Bumbershoot Lounge or what have you. Easily one of the most boring, uninspired performances I’ve ever seen. Billy Corgan is looking in the mirror, shining his bald head and mocking toasting this display of live mediocrity. Well done. The well-trained people in the audience clapped after every song. Why? Was it because it was live radio and that was your job as a studio audience? Sheep. I wanted to “boo” and maybe “hiss.” Tomatoes would have been heaved in the Thermals general direction. There is the possibility that the Thermals were saving their passion for the Broad Street Stage later on that tonight. That’s not a legit excuse in my opinion.

Drew Grow and the Pastors’ Wives ::: photo by Abbey Simmons

“‘It’s Getting Better All The Time…’No Seriously Your Band Is Like That Beatles Song…” Live Show Award.

Winner: Drew Grow and the Pastor’s Wives. Almost Winner(s): What What Now.

I’m just stating the facts. Every time I see Drew Grow and the Pastor’s Wives, they are better than the time before…and they are always really good. After the first four or five times this happened, I was shocked. Now this is just something I expect. It’s too bad for them, they’re fucked by their own greatness.  Sooner or later I fully expect Drew Grow to utter this in the middle of a live performance: “While all of you had your eyes closed during It All Comes Right, Seth and Jeremiah have built a spaceship out of your adoration. Look around you. Ladies and Gentlemen, we are currently floating in space…I’m not kidding.” I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest. In fact, I demand that this happens the next time I see them. Don’t mind me. I’m a first child. We’re the spoiled ones.

See the rest of Phil’s live favorites (and least favorites) after the jump…

Ravenna Woods ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

“Wow! This Is Just Like Mom Used To Make!” Consistently Great Live Performance By Local Band

Winner(s): Black Breath. Ravenna Woods. Almost Winner(s): Macklemore. Fresh Espresso.

Black Breath + Ravenna Woods = Git’r Done. In the words of Young Jeezy and any other rapper that likes to brag about selling Cocaine in a variety of forms, these bands do “work.” Neither band promotes the selling of narcotics but their live performances are eerily similar to the high one might feel while using recreational drugs. Don’t tell your parents. Snitches get lower east side stitches. Black Breath and Ravenna Woods have never disappointed. Take that Mr. Pusherman. Macklemore and Fresh Espresso get honorable mention for being good acts that I have not seen enough this year to qualify.

Kelli Schaefer ::: photo by Dylan Priest

Best Live Female Vocal Performance

Winner: Kelli Schaefer. Almost Winner: Neko Case.

Duh. How many times do we have to talk about Kelli Schaefer before you take a listen? Just search her name on this site. You literally get like four dozen results.

Best Live Male Vocal Performance

Winner: Cee-Lo Green.

I did see Cee-Lo while he was performing with Goodie Mob. However, he did perform a few songs on his own and they were tremendous. I have a new nickname for Mr. Green. He shall now be forever known as “The Black Pavarotti.” You’re welcome. Now go get the Lady Killer right now.

“For Better Or Worse, I’ll Never Forget You.” Live Performance Award

Winner: Jabon.

I had no idea what I was in for when I ventured to Neumos on February 1st and Jabon took the stage. What proceeded to unfold before my eyes was something I’ll never forget. Jabon might be guilty of having the best most memorable live show that Seattle has to offer. There are no words that can do that night justice.

Hole at Bumbershoot ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

“‘The Lou Reed Killed Music’ Live Moment of 2010″

Winner: Hole at Bumbershoot. Almost Winner: Free Energy at Chop Suey.

The best train wreck I’ve ever seen took place when Hole took the Main Stage at Bumbershoot 2010. Like many of you, I once listened to the band known as Hole. I was going through puberty, attending an all-boy jesuit high school against my will and was really into chicks that played guitar intelligent women that played musical instruments. In a way, I was living through this a few years after Live Through This was released. I’m well aware there is no need to rehash the last 15 years as it relates to Courtney Love and her band. I just want to say that when Hole took the stage and I realized I was not watching television, that was a great moment in my life. When “Hole” then covered Pearl Jam’s Jeremy, I proceeded to orgasm from laughter. I’m not kidding. It happens to the best of us. Imagine this. You know the insert-coin-here-then-a-claw-grabs-item-things? Imagine if you were playing one of those things and instead of grabbing the furry endangered Bengal Tiger it grabbed “Peverse Unnecessary Musical Fantasies” instead. That’s what happened to me at Bumbershoot. I won. Courtney Love butchering an iconic hit by an iconic band of her own era! A band that I only enjoy when I’m washing dishes in the kitchen and playfully mocking the vocal stylings of its thoughtful lead singer. The next time I hit a low point in my life, I will think of this moment. No, scratch that. I will yearn for this moment.

“Set Fire To The Peanut Gallery!” Worst Audience Moment of 2010

Winner: Tiny Vipers at the Tractor.

The set by Tiny Vipers went a little something like this:

[A few barely audible musical notes courtesy of Tiny Vipers]

[A swarm of locusts. Somewhere in the trillions. Destroying the heartland of America.]

OK. So maybe I’m exaggerating slightly. With that being said, this is the first time I’ve ever heard (literally) that the audience drowned out the performer with chatter. Tiny Vipers will never be Wild Orchid Children in terms of a loud, live presence. It was pretty embarrassing to witness.

“Yeah. That. Just. Happened.” Awesome Live Moments of 2010

Winner: Hairvest covering Kelis’ Milkshake at Bumbershoot

The Rainbow in the Dark Dio sing-a-long at Your Village Sucks! Fest

Brother Ali and DJ Snuggles owning the crowd at the Paramount Theater during City Arts Festival

Hobosexual and Night Train at the Columbia City Theater