Japandroids ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

Alright. Let us take a second to catch our collective breath. Hopefully some of you kind folks have decided to indulge in Bumbershoot festivities over the past couple of days. Maybe it was you that was walking slow as shit in front of me when I was competitive speed walking between performer’s sets? Was that you I saw chugging Four Loco on the fine lawn of the State Farm Stage? Maybe we shared a laugh when Courtney Love kept on repeating the word “surreal” during Hole’s set? To my knowledge Mrs. Love has never been labeled clairvoyant (I don’t follow her on Twitter, has she?), but I don’t think she had any idea how insanely surreal it was seeing her in-person rather than on television. So far this whole festival has been like that, seeing acts I never in a million years thought I would. The review will come later, the day three preview is now.

For the Day Two preview I started off with a generic quote that pertained to movies. For the Day Three preview, I’m going to use various quotes to describe those who will be performing at Bumbershoot. In order to keep one of my journalism teachers from googling me and ending my life, I tried to go through the necessary steps to make sure these quotes are somewhat legit. One can only do so much when they put an ounce of faith in the internet. Gentle reader, at this point I’m just throwing darts and keeping my fingers crossed. I’m hoping something sticks, or at the very least nobody loses an eye in this ordeal. Enjoy.

Quote: “I don’t know. My mom would say it’s because they are jealous.” Who said it: Brandon Flowers, lead singer of The Killers The artist I’m referring to: Drake

I think that Brandon Flowers quote sounds like something Drake would say in one of his rhymes. I think that’s one of the reasons I’m not down with Drake. He might have a line or two that sounds like something serious, but let’s get real here, Drake was on Degrassi: The Next Generation. There is nothing hip-hop about that. I didn’t watch that show but I don’t think he played an “edgy” charachter (think Sean on Boy Meets World). If Sean (Rider Strong) came out with an album, I know that those tracks would consist of “real talk.” I back Curren$y and some of Lil “Weezy F. Baby, Please Say The Baby” Wayne’s other apprentices with no apprehension. I don’t see that happening in this case, unless I turn into a lonely 15-year-old girl who needs a handsome infatuation within the next 24 hours. I’m not sure how likely Drake is to win me over. (7:30pm on the Bumbershoot MainStage)

People Eating People ::: photo by Abbey Simmons

Quote:“No performer should attempt to bite off red-hot iron unless he has a good set of teeth.” Who said it: Harry Houdini The artist I’m referring to: People Eating People

I didn’t mean for there to be a connection between Houdini talking about teeth and the performer being People Eating People. I’d like to think I’m a little more clever than that. To me, the Houdini quote symbolizes the “I’m drawing a line in the sand, who’s coming with me?” vibe Nouela Johnsto’s songs give off. There are times I can see the carnival barker yelling and there are fire dancers all around. Nouela sits in all her glory, a red-hot iron is clapsed in her shit eating grin. (12:30pm at the EMP Sky Church)

Surfer Blood ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

Quote:“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” Who said it: Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929. The artist I’m referring to: Surfer Blood

Good grief, it’s indie rock. You know what it sounds like. Jangly this, reverbed that. What should I sing like? What if David Byrne were from a west coast beach town? Cool. Let me hit my floor tom and my snare drum at the same time. What is that? Do you want some passive aggressive hi-hat and crash symbol? Well, alright, now we’re really moving. I look out in the audience and people are trying to dance but failing miserably.I It doesn’t matter, they look like they’re happy in love. “My lover is a carnivore.” Surfer Blood does this better than a majority of “indie rock” bands. It’ll much easier to appreciate them when the indie rock market crashes and they are one of the deserving survivors. (7:30pm on the Broad Street Stage)

Quote: “I always want to say to people who want to be rich and famous: ‘try being rich first’. “See if that doesn’t cover most of it. There’s not much downside to being rich, other than paying taxes and having your relatives ask you for money. But when you become famous, you end up with a 24-hour job.” Who said it: Bill Murray The artist I’m referring to: J-Cole

This cat is blowing up. All the press releases refer to J-Cole being on Jay-Z’s Blueprint III, but J-Cole’s rise to fame is much bigger than that. There other people on the last Jay-Z album that I can’t name. For instance, who’s that black guy that kind of sounds like the auto-tuned version of the lead singer for UB40 on “Forever Young”? Yeah, I don’t know who that is but his name is on television all the time. J-Cole isn’t new to anyone that is familiar with hip-hop on a level that isn’t of the overly saturated type. From what I’ve read and heard, he’s ready to take his career to the next level. I want to see if those reports are true. J-Cole’s set is highly anticipated. (6pm on the Bumbershoot MainStage)

Quote: “…For my strength is made perfect in weakness….” Who said it: 2 Corinthians 12:9 The artist I’m referring to: Baroness

Take it from a kid whose dad was almost a priest, there are few things more metal than the Bible. My Qur’an reading is limited so I apologize if there are passages in there that are as equally deserving. I have a theory about Baroness. I think they get unfairly lumped in with Mastodon, High on Fire and other heavy bands at their expense. Not that there’s anything wrong with being mentioned in the same paragraph as Mastodon, they are an amazing band. There is something wrong with it when the comparisons are made somewhat based on geography and you don’t sound anything like them. I think some of the unsaid pressures to create heavy yet intelligent music combined with unecessary comparisons to other bands have forced Baroness to become a unique beast. The Red Album and the Blue Record are evidence of that, those records don’t sound like anyone I can thnk of. Bumbershoot will be a nice little tune-up before they play shows overseas with Metallica. (4:45pm on the Center Square Stage)

Quote: “I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.” Who said it: Muhammad Ali The artist I’m referring to: Mary J. Blige I searched pretty hard to find a Mary J. Blige quote that was similar to this particular Ali quote but came up empty handed. Would it be absurd for her to say such a thing? She got a later start than Whitney and Mariah but look who is still standing? (9pm on the Bumbershoot MainStage)

Japandroids ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

Quote: “Youth is happy because it has the ability to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” Who said it: Kafka The artist I’m referring to: Japandroids

Japandroids are the best days of your youth. They write songs about that one time you snuck out in the middle of the night only to get busted by your parents upon your return home. Why do you smell like cigarettes? I don’t know, there must have been a fire close by. Avert your eyes guilty child, they’ll be staring at your bedroom wall for a couple of weeks. OK, so maybe that’s one of your finest moments, but you yearn for a time when life was much simple and Japandroids are here to give that to you. (5:45pm on the Broad Street Stage)

Quote:“A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece nature.” Who said it: Ralph Waldo Emerson The artist I’m referring to: Trambled by Turtles

This acoustic quintet has a bluegrassish style that they play with punk ferocity. Where I went to college (Richmond, Va.), it would be a common occurence to see music like this being played on porches sporadically throughout the city. This music that is based in rural tradition was a definite contrast to the concrete jungle surroundings of the area. This music reminds me of my friends. More often than than not they were the ones performing music like this or recommending it to me. Contrary to popular belief, not many black people grow up Bluegrass fans. (1:15pm on the Starbucks Stage)

THEESatisfaction ::: photo by Abbey Simmons

Quote: “Curiosity is natural to the soul of man and interesting objects have a powerful influence on our affections.” Who said it: Daniel Boone The artist I’m referring to: THEEsatisfaction

Originally I was going to get real black on you folks. I was going to grab my copy of The Souls of Black Folk and copy a line written by Du Bois. I wasn’t sure if that passed the infamous “paper bag test.” In an effort to get heavy-handed, I was going to reach into my Marcus Garvey sock drawer and pull out something vicious. Both of those decisions would’ve been obvious and boring. Instead I chose the words of someone who has no idea what it’s like to be a black lesbian. The curiousity I’m referring to is that of the Bumbershoot audience. How are they going to percieve THEEsatisfaction? More importantly, how much will they grasph and comprehend? Hip-hop is a craft of verbal exchanges between audience and artist. But if you’re smart you always realize there’s always an unsaid exchange that’s just as prominent. Be sure to pay attention to that. (4:45pm at the EMP Sky Church)

Wild Orchid Children ::: photo by Josh Lovseth

Quote:“Explosions are not comfortable.” Who said it: Yevgeny Zamyatin The artist I’m referring to: Wild Orchid Children

Explosions may not be comfortable but they sure as hell look and sound really cool. The same can be said for Wild Orchid Children. (7:45 at the EMP Sky Church)