Dog Shredder ::: This badass press photo by Marty Watson/elementaryphotography.com

So I made a wrong turn and now my stomach is filled with knots and taurine. Fuck. I have been given the simple mission of catching Dog Shredder at the Funhouse and somehow I’ve turned this simple task into an unnecessary adventure that wreaks of impending failure. I have the god given gift of making the most simple tasks, such as exiting for Seattle Center, impossible. And as I competitively walk to the Funhouse from my awkward parking spot, I hear the phantom rumbles of what I think is a band playing. Naturally my pace hastens and I enter the Funhouse only to find that the music has not started yet. I savor the moment. Finally I am early for something. My high school guidance counselor would be proud of me, but she would not be pleased by the fact I was spending an evening rocking with shredders of canines. She struck me as the type of woman that would listen to Joan Osbourne sing jazz standards. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

How do I describe the sound of Dog Shredder to someone who has never heard of them? The name indicates that they might be a brutal powerviolence band that would play a 11 minute set that consisted of 24 songs. However, that is not the case. Dog Shredder are a band of spastic intricacy that never gives you enough time to stop and catch your breath. They are a monstrous three-piece that is pretty much indescribable but I’ll try my best. Everyone loves a good pizza right? If Dog Shredder were a pizza, this is what it would look like:

The Crust - What if Bluetip sounded like they were a Three One G band instead of a Discord band? What does this have to do with anything? I’m not sure, but the guitar tone and some of the chords and progressions reminded me of Bluetip if they were really into amphetamines. That’s where the similarities end however. Thundering bass that would rival any turn of century hardcore band. Overdriven and being discharged from the depths of an Ampeg cabinet. A drummer that is constantly doing fills with a sniper’s precision. This is the type of band that is so good that it spawns cheap imitations.

The Sauce - The frenetic energy and emphasis on guitar pull-offs similar to a band like Capsule. Only Dog Shredder are much more epic and atmospheric. Thank god for guitar pedals and sampler effects. It’s a challenge in itself to figure out how a part of a song flows into the next in the musical sense. Many of my favorite bands exhibit the same songwriting unpredictability. Delicious.

The Toppings - If I had to pick a song that sounds like it would be by Dog Shredder but it’s actually not…it would be “Bladecatcher” by Mastodon. I’m talking strictly riffage people. “Bladecatcher” is actually too straight-forward and predictable to ever be Dog Shredder song. Plus it has those weird annoying vocals over the top of it. But in terms of using guitar scales straight from a leviathan, I think I’m on to something. Josh Holland writes guitar riffs so gnarly that Dog Shredder is forced to be instrumental in some instances because who in the world is going to play guitar LIKE THAT and sing at the same time? Singing consistently amongst all those time changes and insanity, that’s a pretty tall order.

There you have it. A pizza filled with gnarly riffs, migraine inducing bass and drumming at breakneck speeds. From the bombastic opening notes of “Battle Snake”, this band from Bellingham constantly amazed me at the Funhouse on Thursday. Dog Shredder also have a song called “Brontosaurus Rex!” Can you imagine what that prehistoric amalgam of omnivorous destruction would look like? It’s complicated skeleton would be similar to the blueprint of a one of their songs. Keep an eye out for these guys in the future.